More, more, more!
When I first started using the online dating site, I was looking for 'just friends.' The question men most often asked me was, "Why don't you want to have sex?" Now that I've indicated I'm open to short-term dating, which is not synoymous with screwing, by the way, the question has become, "Why aren't you interested in a long-term relationship?" *shakes head*
Each time I draw a line in the sand, guys test the boundaries. It must be true that people want what they can't have. Guys are rushing to fill in the gap with 'the next level' of intimacy. I wonder if they actually want more or are moreover spurred by the challenge to change my mind.
I've answered this question a few too many times. I'm going to post a response in my journal on the site. If I finish my Owner's Manual, it'd likely be found under FAQs in the chapter on emotional availability. I haven't thought of a title for that section, yet.
Clarity comes from knowing the context for my choice.
First, I'm not interested in a fast fuck nor am I fixated on finding The One. I'm not gagging for sex and I'm not blindly chasing an ideal. To quote Stein, 'I need a man like a fish needs a bicycle.'
Second, I'm in a period of transition. I expect to be moving around the next couple of years. I'll be relocating for school then for work. I've got zero interest in long-distance relationships.
Third, I don't have my 'ticket.' I've been separated for over a year but the divorce is not finalized. I'm tying up loose ends before advertising potential emotional availability. (The idea is laughable from this vantage point.)
Fourth, I'm going through a selfish phase. I want what I want when I want it. I'm not even remotely interested in you, me, and a U-haul. Coupledom is not my intention.
You need to pre-accept the terms of interaction before we get into the mix.
1. There is an unwritten expiration date on our association.
2. There is no expectation of exclusivity.
3. In case of emergency, we respect one another's humanity.
*If you develop real feelings and they're reciprocated, it would be a miracle.
*If you develop real feelings and they're not reciprocated, I will talk you off the ledge.
*If I develop real feelings and they're reciprocated, I will happily consume massive helpings of humble pie.
*If I develop real feelings and they're not reciprocated, dixie cups of platonic love to cross the Sahara of suffering would be appreciated, but not necessary.
Read the fine print.
There's room for discussion depending on individual interests.
If you want to know 'where you stand,' I'll tell you. I'm not here to play of game of who's less interested.
If you want monogamy, ask for it. It happens to be my default setting so I'll consider it.
to be continued...