More, more, more!
When I first started using the online dating site, I was looking for 'just friends.' The question men most often asked me was, "Why don't you want to have sex?" Now that I've indicated I'm open to short-term dating, which is not synoymous with screwing, by the way, the question has become, "Why aren't you interested in a long-term relationship?" *shakes head*
Each time I draw a line in the sand, guys test the boundaries. It must be true that people want what they can't have. Guys are rushing to fill in the gap with 'the next level' of intimacy. I wonder if they actually want more or are moreover spurred by the challenge to change my mind.
I've answered this question a few too many times. I'm going to post a response in my journal on the site. If I finish my Owner's Manual, it'd likely be found under FAQs in the chapter on emotional availability. I haven't thought of a title for that section, yet.
Clarity comes from knowing the context for my choice.
First, I'm not interested in a fast fuck nor am I fixated on finding The One. I'm not gagging for sex and I'm not blindly chasing an ideal. To quote Stein, 'I need a man like a fish needs a bicycle.'
Second, I'm in a period of transition. I expect to be moving around the next couple of years. I'll be relocating for school then for work. I've got zero interest in long-distance relationships.
Third, I don't have my 'ticket.' I've been separated for over a year but the divorce is not finalized. I'm tying up loose ends before advertising potential emotional availability. (The idea is laughable from this vantage point.)
Fourth, I'm going through a selfish phase. I want what I want when I want it. I'm not even remotely interested in you, me, and a U-haul. Coupledom is not my intention.
You need to pre-accept the terms of interaction before we get into the mix.
1. There is an unwritten expiration date on our association.
2. There is no expectation of exclusivity.
3. In case of emergency, we respect one another's humanity.
*If you develop real feelings and they're reciprocated, it would be a miracle.
*If you develop real feelings and they're not reciprocated, I will talk you off the ledge.
*If I develop real feelings and they're reciprocated, I will happily consume massive helpings of humble pie.
*If I develop real feelings and they're not reciprocated, dixie cups of platonic love to cross the Sahara of suffering would be appreciated, but not necessary.
Read the fine print.
There's room for discussion depending on individual interests.
If you want to know 'where you stand,' I'll tell you. I'm not here to play of game of who's less interested.
If you want monogamy, ask for it. It happens to be my default setting so I'll consider it.
to be continued...
Showing posts with label dating. Show all posts
Showing posts with label dating. Show all posts
Sunday, February 6, 2011
Sunday, January 16, 2011
Goldicocks and The Three Boys
Originally, I was going to call this post "Ignorant Immigrant" in reference to the first candidate for my casual sex interest, but he's not a jerk; he just doesn't know how to use his words to turn me on. In a way though, his wrong words and cumbersome phrases are weaving a spell on me because for all his broken English, the man has a hot body and a good heart. The Endearing Immigrant, as he shall henceforth be described, deserves honorary mention as a current man project.
At this point, I'm not strictly window shopping on the dating site. I'm actively looking at men on a case-by-case basis and trying to find the best fit. It might be worthwhile to mention that EI says a woman he fucked (or made sex to LOL) in the past claimed he was 'too big'. So, it's quite possible this boy is 'too big' for me. I say that tongue-in-cheek - he's using terms of endearment like they're going out of style (which is somewhat European) but has recently stumbled upon recurrent themes like he thinks I'm 'sweet', and he wants 'a girl like me' to take care of him, blah blah blah. I'm trying to filter this out as typical white noise a man might make in his romancing the pants off a woman stage. If he keeps it up though, his words will trip him up. I don't want him to start making any plans around me.
I'm talking to another muscle-bound man who's a bit more fluent in Smurfspeak. This pilgrim seems honest and straightforward and makes no bones about his interest in my ass. Apparently, I have a nice ass although you can't see it in any of my pictures. The man's either delusional or has a vivid imagination. I agree with his assessment that my boobs are big, though, cos it's obvious in any picture. At any rate, for what it's worth, he's positive and amenable. He can reflect back to me he understands what I'm saying. Unfortunately, he might be 'too small' since he's 5'10. He's got 4 inches on me but it's not an instant attraction. We'll see if that spark is there if and when I meet him IRL.
The guy who might be 'just right' is, of course, a much more talkative chap and makes me laugh a lot. He's attractive to me in that he's more articulate in addition to being a good-looking guy. Naturally, he's got a virtual harem. He wanted me to text him and I declined so who knows if that's a deal-breaker for him. Apparently, texting is his means of communication with his pussy posse. My words, not his. So, given the fact that there are plenty of chicks interested in this dick (and his ability to 'understand' women), I'm not sure if I want him, anymore. On the one hand, he's unlikely to ask for any emotional investment so I'd have plenty of space. It would be a user-friendly interaction. On the other hand, I wouldn't be treated like a priority and that aggravates the shit out of me.
Looking at my current choices, which may be summarily rejected in the nicest way possible, it occurs to me I need to achieve a balance where I like someone enough to want to have sex with them, but not too much to avoid emotional entrapment. It may seem like I'm going through a selfish phase, but I'm also looking out for the guy's interest. If it feels like he's going to fall overboard, while I'm tempted to shove him off and throw him a lifesaver, I'm more likely to talk him off the ledge and sit with him to comfort or explain things as best I can. The more I honestly express my interest in short-term connections, the less daunting it seems. I'll revist my definition of short-term dating in the next blog.
At this point, I'm not strictly window shopping on the dating site. I'm actively looking at men on a case-by-case basis and trying to find the best fit. It might be worthwhile to mention that EI says a woman he fucked (or made sex to LOL) in the past claimed he was 'too big'. So, it's quite possible this boy is 'too big' for me. I say that tongue-in-cheek - he's using terms of endearment like they're going out of style (which is somewhat European) but has recently stumbled upon recurrent themes like he thinks I'm 'sweet', and he wants 'a girl like me' to take care of him, blah blah blah. I'm trying to filter this out as typical white noise a man might make in his romancing the pants off a woman stage. If he keeps it up though, his words will trip him up. I don't want him to start making any plans around me.
I'm talking to another muscle-bound man who's a bit more fluent in Smurfspeak. This pilgrim seems honest and straightforward and makes no bones about his interest in my ass. Apparently, I have a nice ass although you can't see it in any of my pictures. The man's either delusional or has a vivid imagination. I agree with his assessment that my boobs are big, though, cos it's obvious in any picture. At any rate, for what it's worth, he's positive and amenable. He can reflect back to me he understands what I'm saying. Unfortunately, he might be 'too small' since he's 5'10. He's got 4 inches on me but it's not an instant attraction. We'll see if that spark is there if and when I meet him IRL.
The guy who might be 'just right' is, of course, a much more talkative chap and makes me laugh a lot. He's attractive to me in that he's more articulate in addition to being a good-looking guy. Naturally, he's got a virtual harem. He wanted me to text him and I declined so who knows if that's a deal-breaker for him. Apparently, texting is his means of communication with his pussy posse. My words, not his. So, given the fact that there are plenty of chicks interested in this dick (and his ability to 'understand' women), I'm not sure if I want him, anymore. On the one hand, he's unlikely to ask for any emotional investment so I'd have plenty of space. It would be a user-friendly interaction. On the other hand, I wouldn't be treated like a priority and that aggravates the shit out of me.
Looking at my current choices, which may be summarily rejected in the nicest way possible, it occurs to me I need to achieve a balance where I like someone enough to want to have sex with them, but not too much to avoid emotional entrapment. It may seem like I'm going through a selfish phase, but I'm also looking out for the guy's interest. If it feels like he's going to fall overboard, while I'm tempted to shove him off and throw him a lifesaver, I'm more likely to talk him off the ledge and sit with him to comfort or explain things as best I can. The more I honestly express my interest in short-term connections, the less daunting it seems. I'll revist my definition of short-term dating in the next blog.
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